


Stormcage Wives

by BookFangirlMaryJane



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 13 doesn't touch people, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Post-Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, River is perfect, Stormcage Containment Facility, Touch Aversion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26380981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookFangirlMaryJane/pseuds/BookFangirlMaryJane
Summary: The Doctor is stuck in prison and she hates it. Until she's transferred. Then she hates it even more but for an entirely different reason.—o—Spoilers.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 19
Kudos: 147





	Stormcage Wives

The Doctor is stuck in prison and it’s awful.

It would probably be alright if she hadn’t just found out that her whole life is a lie and that the Time Lords experimented on her for years on end without her having any memory of it. Oh, and the whole ‘the Master might have died again but probably not’ thing, but that’s, quite honestly, far in the back of her mind.

What is very present is the fact that the Judoon are ignoring her questions about what she did to earn a life sentence and how long, exactly, that life sentence is supposed to be, given that there are billions of species out there, all with different life spans. Do they mean one Judoon life? One of her regenerations? All of her remaining regenerations? That last one will take a while, she thinks without humor. Immortal… Why her? She doesn’t want immortality. She never did.

Two days into imprisonment, she has annoyed all of her guards and finally one of them gives in to her demands for something to distract her with. They give her books. The Doctor has read most of them already and is done with the others within half an hour. Her mind is too frazzled to take her time, like she did with Amy and Rory. That memory hurts and quickly she thinks of something else, anything else.

When she starts calling for the guards again, they don’t react. After four hours, she has lost her voice and cracked her knuckles on the stone wall in a frustrated punch. The blonde paces her cell. It’s very small and very cold and the bed is uncomfortable. There’s a window but the sight is dull. It’s just space. She knows where she is, of course, can pinpoint her location by the stars she can see, but it doesn’t help her in any way. She could break out, she supposes, but where to?

They have her TARDIS in lockdown somewhere. It’s standard procedure. To get there, she needs help. And none of the Judoons will help her, that much is obvious. Her sonic is in the TARDIS, she dropped it when she was arrested. The Doctor could possibly convince one of her prison mates to help her out, if there were any other people around. There aren’t. The whole hallway is only empty cells.

—o—

It’s a week into her imprisonment. The Doctor, unable to keep her mind away from it, starts thinking about the Timeless Child again. About Gallifrey. About the Master. About the Matrix. She thinks that it’s horrible what was done to her but that he didn’t have to murder all of them for it. Not the children… They didn’t do anything, they were innocent…

—o—

Two weeks. The Time Lord asks for paper and pens. Her request is denied. She screams for a few hours, pleads, until her voice goes quiet again. It’s no use. Stubborn Judoons. At least she got new books. They keep her occupied for a bit. Then she’s bored again.

—o—

Three weeks. She starts scratching her ideas into the stone walls. There still is no paper or pens so she makes do with what she has. It hurts and her fingernails look horrible. The Doctor doesn’t care. She needs to get this out, needs to understand her own thoughts. There’s something she feels, an idea, just at the edge of her mind. So elusive. So brilliant.

—o—

A month. The blonde despairs. Her mind is a mess. She doesn’t know what to do. Should she give up? Should she fight? Should she break? Who is she? Is she still the Doctor, now that she knows that she has been other people before? Who was she before? Ruth had called herself the Doctor, but she carried a gun, so what does that name mean? Is she the Doctor or is she someone else? Has she ever been the Doctor?

—o—

Two months. The walls of her cell are crammed with notes and calculations and desperate pleas for help. Most of them are written in Gallifreyan. It felt right, even if it’s not the Time Lord’s real language. She still calls herself a Time Lord, she did earn that title at the Academy, but she has stopped thinking her name. It doesn’t quite fit right now. Maybe it will, someday, maybe it won’t. She’s not sure. Nothing is certain anymore.

—o—

Three months. Janey. Her name is Janey now, after her former alibi of John Smith. She likes it, or maybe she just doesn’t hate it as much as most of the other names she came up with. She has also taken to talking to herself again. It helps, a little. It might make things worse, too. She’s not sure. Things are getting a bit fuzzy.

—o—

Four months. Janey hasn’t slept in a long time. Honestly, the woman is unsure how long, exactly. She distinctly remembers taking a nap on O’s couch, back before her whole life got turned upside down, again. But after that… Unconsciousness, yes, when exhaustion catches up with her, but not sleep. She only needs one hour, at the most. But four months is excessive even for her, even if she has those short periods of time when her body gives out and she falls unconscious. She can’t help it, though. If she sleeps, she knows, the nightmares will come. Besides, she’s close to cracking it… She can’t sleep now, not before she has solved this…

—o—

Five months. She attacks one of her guards when they come in to bring her breakfast, even though she’s not quite sure why she does it. It earns her a punishment of no food for a week. Janey doesn’t mind. She’s gone longer without food. It’s fine.

—o—

Six months. After attacking three more people, the Judoon decide that she needs to be transferred into another prison, a better one. They don’t tell her this, of course, just drag her out of the cell, leaving all her calculations on the wall, and put her into a spaceship. Her hands are cuffed behind her back, there are chains tying her arms to her torso and three guards point their guns at her the whole way.

The new prison, ironically enough, is Stormcage. Janey wants to laugh but she’s too angry to have lost most of her ideas. She still remembers them, of course, but she’ll have to write them down again to keep going through them again, and her nails are still cracked and bleeding.

The guards bring her to her cell, lock the door and walk away. It’s a change in scenery, at least, and this cell is bigger. The bed is just as uncomfortable, though. The blonde flops down on it. She still hasn’t slept. With a sigh, she gets up again and starts on the basic calculations again. By the time she’s done, the blood loss has made her dizzy.

Surprisingly, the guards at Stormcage actually care about the fact that she hurt herself. They are horrified. A healer takes care of her hands. She later lets just a little bit of regeneration energy flow through them, just to see what happens. They heal and that’s it. Janey is given pencils and paper and has to promise that she doesn’t do that again. She shrugs and takes a pencil to continue writing down what she started on the wall.

Loud blaring sirens draw her out of her thoughts a few hours later, accompanied by a heartachingly familiar sound and then the laughter of a woman. Janey looks up and stops breathing. River looks beautiful in that outfit. She… she remembers this day. They went to Asgard, fought a giant dragon and had a picnic. It was a lovely day, all around, except something had made her sad. She remembers that bit. River, looking like something was on her mind, but not saying what, and she (he?) had felt helpless, the way only her wife (his wife?) manages to make her (him?) feel.

Seeing her wife (not yet and a while ago and not anymore, all at once) hurts. It’s quite a shock, despite the fact that Janey has anticipated this might happen once she heard the name Stormcage. How will she… what should she… can she…? There are no answers to her tentative questions.

So she just watches her past self bumbling around, River hanging on his arm and laughing about something he says ( _‘no, really, think about it, me with horns on my head, really, who thought of that? I’m quite insulted, stop laughing, River!’_ ) and lets her hearts ache for that simple comfort. This body doesn’t like touch, doesn’t like hugs, doesn’t like having someone hold onto her. This body recoils from others like they’re poison to her skin. She doesn’t even know why.

The happy couple says goodbye and then Bow Ties strolls off, back into his TARDIS, and vanishes. Janey keeps looking at River. The fizzy-haired woman is still smiling, but it looks sadder now. With a pang, the Time Lord remembers her look when she was ranting to Hydroflax’ robotic body about how it was to love the Doctor (the Doctor, who may not even exist, who may never have existed, who may only be a fairytale, a myth, a fantasy).

So deep into her thoughts, it takes a moment for the blonde to realize that a pair of curious green eyes are staring right back at her from River’s cell. She startles and paper flutters to the ground. Studiously Janey looks down, busies herself with picking up and ordering her calculations and doesn’t look up again despite how much she wants to.

But then River speaks and her voice is enough to pull hazel eyes back to her face. “Hello there. You’re new, aren’t you? I would have noticed someone so pretty before.” Oh. Flirting. Of course, what else did she expect? “Hi.” Oh, her voice is all rough. She screamed herself raw this morning, before the transfer. “Yes, I’m new.” Then she looks away again.

“Hey, no, you absolutely cannot leave me hanging like this,” the fizzy-haired woman protests and opens her cell door with little effort. It only takes her a few steps to cross the hallway and stand before Janey’s cell, where she links her arms into the iron bars. “What’s your name, then?”

The Time Lord can feel herself blush, just a little. “Janey.” Nothing else. River frowns. “You sound like you screamed all day. What’s wrong? Are you sick?” It makes Janey chuckle. “No. I screamed all day. And you haven’t told me your name.”

Her not-yet-not-anymore-wife gives a snort and grins. “My name is River Song but you can call me ‘gorgeous’, Janey.” A smile tugs at the blonde’s lips. “Funny.”

“Not at all, I’m being very serious.” She probably is, which is somehow both better and worse. River is just breathtaking and Janey has a hard time keeping her eyes away from her. She also has a hard time holding back the tears. The last time they saw each other was on Darillium. Her River is long dead.

Footsteps and shouting makes both women turn their heads. River pulls a face. “They always ruin the moment…” she mutters and quickly returns to her cell, closes the door and falls onto her bed, feigning sleep.

Guards turn the corner and Janey focuses back on her research. This is important. River… River is important, too, but not as important as this. She will… focus on her wife later. Now, she is busy. She has to finish this but she’s missing something.

—o—

Janey works until the lights are turned off, and then she paces through her cell, counting how many steps she needs until she reaches the walls, calculates a bit more, thinks over her plan. It’s insane and a little bit impossible, but she’s worked with worse odds.

Around four in the morning (probably, she can vaguely sense time at the edge of her tired and overworked mind) there is a shuffling sound from the cell opposite her. River is awake, apparently. Not a surprise, she’s an early riser. Janey discovered that on Darillium. Her hearts clench.

“Janey, is that you pacing around?” a sleepy voice calls into the darkness. The blonde Time Lord stops for a moment. “Yes.” She resumes pacing. “It’s… I don’t know, but it’s very early. Too early to pace around like that.”

“I’m thinking,” Janey says and frowns. She just had an idea but it’s gone again. Frustrating. “What’s so important that you’re thinking about it this early already?” River is relentless.

“Frankly, none ya business, River Song.” Oh, her accent slipped a bit there, that was **very** Northern. “Alright, alright, no need to be so defensive.” Her wife sounds slightly annoyed. Good. Maybe it will stop her from asking more questions.

—o—

It doesn’t.

“Did you scratch a **math problem** into your walls with your **fingernails**?!”

Janey is pacing again. The missing pieces just won’t come to her. And River is seriously distracting her from thinking. “I did. No paper.” An eyebrow is raised at the stacks of paper around her. “They gave me this after. Didn’t know I was allowed paper. I didn’t get any where I was before.”

“Oh, you were transferred from another prison? What’d you do, then?” the fizzy-haired woman asks with intrigue. Janey sighs and sits down. Pacing isn’t helping. “Dunno, they won’t tell me. I can’t remember doing it, at any rate, whatever they’ve locked me up for.” Ruth did whatever she is imprisoned for. Not her. Not Janey. Janey has never done anything. Janey was born in prison, out of the mind of a desperate child without a name to call her own.

“That’s awful.” River just keeps talking, not even realizing that the woman she’s talking to isn’t actually listening. “I’m here for killing the best man I know. I was brainwashed and not in control of my own body. It was… well, he’s alive still. We meet out of order and I haven’t shot him yet, from his viewpoint.”

Out of order. Yes, that’s one way to describe them. Janey is out of order, too. _The Doctor has left the building._ She sighs and lies down on the floor. It’s cold and hard. A few pencils are poking her back. At least she won’t be tempted to fall asleep like this. She should, the blonde knows that, she should sleep, she hasn’t slept in… Time is so strange right now, she has forgotten how long she’s gone, how long ago her life broke apart.

River stops talking and there is a pause. A pause that sounds like someone waiting. Oh, did she ask a question? Janey cranes her neck to look over. River stares back. “Sorry, what?”

“I asked where you’re from.”

Oh. The blonde closes her eyes and breathes out a chuckle. How does this always happen? How does River always manage to find the things that hurt the most? It takes her a moment to formulate an answer that isn’t cursing out Gallifrey and the Time Lords. “I don’t… I don’t know. When I was a child, I was taken from my home. I can’t remember it. I can’t remember most of my life. They **stole** it from me… They **took** it… They…”

Suddenly she is on her feet, doesn’t remember standing up, angry tears burning in her hazel eyes. Janey is seething. A low cry breaks from her throat and she can’t… she **can’t** … The anger is so all-around that the only thing she can do is slam her fists against a wall, again and again and again.

By the time the guards arrive her knuckles are broken and there is blood everywhere, splattered over her calculations and plans and face. They pull her away from the wall and the Time Lord turns on them. The pain is dull and they scream. Something inside her has snapped, she thinks, something has broken and it won’t heal.

Eventually, they manage to restrain her. Janey’s eyes are wide and they flicker around, take in the carnage she created. At least one of the men on the ground isn’t breathing. Oh. She has killed someone. That’s… not ideal. It sinks in slowly, and then the numbness fades and everything hurts, her hands especially. Across from her, a wide-eyed River stares at her.

—o—

Janey is taken to the hospital wing. When the nurse there leaves her alone for a moment, the Time Lord pulls on her regeneration energy and lets it heal her wounds. She’s effectively immortal, isn’t she, so it doesn’t matter what she uses this for. How many lives has she lived? How many regeneration cycles? How many…?

The nurse is very surprised to find her patient completely alright. Janey doesn’t explain. Why should she? She sits there in silence until the authorities have stopped squabbling. Then she is led back to her cell.

—o—

River is staring at her from across the hallway. Janey is quiet. She pulls her papers closer and organizes the mess. The blood on it has dried. Some of the numbers are smudged. That needs to be fixed up, she thinks.

“Are you alright?” It’s a quiet, hesitant question. The blonde looks up at her not-wife. “Yes. I just… got angry at someone. I’m alright.” She isn’t, of course, but the lie is so **easy** these days. _I’m fine, I’m alright, I’ve slept, I’ve had breakfast and lunch and dinner, nothing’s wrong, everything will be alright again, I promise I’ll fix it…_

The two women don’t talk again that day. Or the next. The day after that, the sound of her TARDIS (no, not hers, it’s his still) materializing pulls Janey from her circling thoughts again. Her whole body freezes up and her eyes flicker over at River involuntarily. She should probably stay hidden, lest she creates a paradox.

It’s really easy. The blonde just slips under the blanket on her practically untouched bed and feigns sleep until the time travelers are gone again. Then she sits up and paces again. This is pointless. She can’t… she can’t think in here, she needs to get out, she needs to find a way to do this without blowing a hole into the space-time-continuum.

When the TARDIS drops off River again, it’s around one in the morning. River looks amazing as always and the Doctor looks delighted. They don’t notice that they’re not alone at first. “I really loved today, Doctor.” The Time Lord grins and twirls his sonic around, almost dropping it in the process. Janey remembers being him. He was so very child-like, but only on the outside. He was the one who forgot that having companions hurt once they were gone, who forgot to always be kind and sometimes was like a God, leaving a line of bodies in his wake. She doesn’t like looking back on that.

“I loved it, too, River,” he says, a smile in his voice. She can see him, of course, despite the dark, but the smile is just so very **present** in his voice that she doesn’t **have** to see it to know it’s there. “Now then, off to –” With a squawk, he cuts off, eyes trained on Janey. “Err, hello.”

River turns. “Oh, Janey. Sorry, did we wake you? Doctor, this is Janey. She’s new.” The Time Lord isn’t sure what to do. This is a paradox… a bit, at least. Maybe it isn’t, not if he doesn’t find out who she really is. “You didn’t. Wake me, I mean,” she tells them and looks down at her calculations.

“Err, right, yes. That’s… anyway, I should get going before they notice the TARDIS, yeah? See you soon, River!” And then the Doctor is gone and River is looking over at Janey. “Are you still thinking, then? Is that why you’re not asleep?”

“Yes.” She doesn’t want to start a conversation. It’s distracting her. River is very distracting, all around, really. Especially her outfit. “Good night, River Song.”

“You can just call me River, you know?” And yes, the blonde knows she shouldn’t, but she can’t help but say: “I thought I should call you ‘ _gorgeous_ ’.” River sucks in a breath. “Yes, that, too.” She waits but there is nothing else but a quiet: “Good night, River.”

“Good night, Janey,” comes the answering whisper and then the woman shuffles around a bit before everything goes quiet again. Quiet is good. Janey can work best when it’s quiet. But quiet is also bad because her thoughts have it easier to creep up on her. She just has to get through it, solve this and then she will be able to fix this…

—o—

“Do you ever sleep?” her not-wife asks sometime around noon. Janey shrugs. “When I’m done.” She knows that’s the wrong thing to say but she doesn’t care. “Ah. Do you… need help?” It’s an offer, not a question. The Time Lord declines.

—o—

“Seriously, though, you should sleep a bit.”

“I told you. When I’m done.”

“Janey, how long have you been working on that?”

“A few months, I think.”

“And you haven’t slept in that time?”

“I haven’t slept in a very long time.”

“Janey, you need to sleep! Your body will give out at some point!”

“It won’t. I don’t need much sleep. I’m very good at staying alive. I’m fine.”

“Maybe if you slept, your mind would rest and you can solve whatever problem you have?”

“I don’t have time to sleep!”

“You should take the time. It’s important.”

“… I can’t, River.”

—o—

Seven months since the Judoon imprisoned her. One month in Stormcage. Janey is tired. Maybe River is right and sleep will help her. Maybe she should just… close her eyes for a moment… just a few minutes and then… she’ll… solve… it…

—o—

_… Like any good parent, she wanted to understand the child…_

_… You’re the Timeless Child…_

_… Pulverized, burned, nuked…_

_… I had to make them pay for what I discovered…_

_… Become death, Doctor. Become me…_

_… Hello. I’m the Doctor…_

_… a boy in Ireland, falling off a cliff, dying and not, a little girl tumbling off a hill, dying and not, regeneration energy spilling everywhere, the pain of a needle in her skin, hours of it, her mother, not her mother, Koschei, River, in the library, Missy leaving her (him) for her past self, the Master dying in her (his) arms, the Master killing humans, the Master killing all of Gallifrey just for her, because they hurt her, because they deserved it, she wishes he left some of them for her, she wants to hurt them, wants to slaughter them and drench the whole damn planet in their blood…_

—o—

Janey wakes with a cry lodged in her throat, crying out for help, eyes wet, shaking. She can’t stop shaking, everything is blurry and strange and she doesn’t know where she is, where the TARDIS is, where Koschei is, what’s happening, everything is _wrong_ …

She buries her head between her knees, grabs hold of her hair with both hands and **tugs**. She’s crying. She’s shaking. A dream. A **nightmare**. _She knew it._ She knew this would happen. She shouldn’t have slept.

“Janey?” a voice calls her name (it’s her name, now, until she can figure out if the other name still fits, if it’s still her or if it never was at all) and the Time Lord just shakes harder. Something clanks, then footsteps, and another clank. And then there is a face in front of her, looking at her with worry in her eyes, kneeling in front of her and a hand reaching for her.

It’s instinct more than anything that has her flinching back. River pauses, hand hovering in the air. “Janey, calm down. You’re alright, you’re safe here. It was just a dream.” A choked laugh that might also be a sob leaves the blonde’s throat. “My whole life is a **lie**. It’s not just a dream, it’s real, it’s not real, it’s so fake that I don’t know who I **am** , where I start and end and who I am in the middle. I can’t do this, I can’t, I have to fix it, I have to **finish** this and make them pay for what they did, for doing this to me, I want myself **back** …”

Tears cloud her vision and then a hand holds hers and Janey rips it away and only curls up more into herself. She can’t… “Don’t touch me, please don’t touch me, I can’t…” She hates being touched, she can’t stand it, it’s horrible, the only person whose touch didn’t feel horrible was Koschei the Master, back when his hands were around her throat and she dangled over the edge of the Eiffel Tower, but nothing after that so maybe she’s wrong but her and him (him and her, him and him, they and they) have always been drawn to each other, haven’t they? It’s reasonable to assume they would be the exception to every rule of each other’s selves.

“…Can’t stand being touched…” she mumbles now, and River pulls away but stays by her side. “That’s alright, Janey. I don’t have to touch you. But I’ll stay here, if you need me to.” Hazel eyes close in gratitude. “Thank you…” And oh, she really misses being held by someone but this, her wife being so close, by her side, comforting her by her presence, is almost enough. Almost.

—o—

After that, their relationship tentatively develops. Janey takes time off working on her plans and talks with River. She studiously avoids the topic of her real identity and invents a few details. In return, River makes her laugh and relax, and she promises that she will watch over her if she wants to try to sleep again. She doesn’t.

By the time the eighth month in prison rolls around, Janey is sick of it and River is completely smitten with her and insists on getting married, despite the fact that they haven’t touched once, apart from that one time they held hands for barely a second. “I’m not sure people actually get to get married in prisons, River,” the Time Lord says, lying on her back in her probably-girlfriend’s cell. They do that a lot, sneak into each other’s cells. The guards just sigh and let them. There is no stopping River Song from doing anything, anyway.

“Well, then we just have to break out, get married and come back,” is the fizzy-haired woman’s answer. Janey blinks. “Yes, well, we can do that, I guess. Except I don’t have any ID or money and…” She hesitates to say it but in the end does say it: “… River, if I break out of here, I don’t think I’ll come back. Not like you do. Once I’m out of here, that’s it. We won’t see each other again, unless you look **really** hard for me. Do you want that?”

For a moment, River is quiet. Then she sighs. “Janey, I’m not going to let you rot away in here. I know that you have to do whatever it is you’re always thinking about. I’ve known that since the beginning, really. But I would like for us to be married, anyway, in case we do see each other again. You never know what the future will bring.” And then she pulls out a small box from her pocket and kneels down.

Janey shoots upright immediately and stares at the box. “You got a **ring**?!” River smiles. “Of course I got a ring, you idiot. It’s what people do when they want to get married. Now, I had quite a lovely speech prepared but I also…”

“Yes!” the blonde Time Lord can’t help it, the word just bursts out of her. Her soon-to-be-wife snorts and finishes: “… I also anticipated that you’d completely ruin it by answering before I could get two words out. So, will you break out of prison and marry me, Janey?”

Janey is smiling. For just a moment, things are alright. The world is fine. “Yes, River. I will.” Carefully, her now-fiancée pulls out a delicate silver ring and hesitantly holds it towards her hand. “Do you…?” The Time Lord breathes and then holds her hand out, in a way that clearly tells River that it’s okay to touch her, this once.

—o—

They break out of prison two days later, with the help of River’s vortex manipulator. It makes Janey queasy, this sort of travel and the hand on her arm, but it’s just one trip and then they’re breathing fresh air, standing in a park, outside. It’s a relief to be free once more. Janey closes her eyes and smiles.

Their first stop is a bride shop. River finds a breathtaking white dress while Janey, in a fit of nostalgia and because she doesn’t **want** to wear a dress, gets into a black tux. She hesitates for a moment over the bow ties but ends up without one. Too much.

After that, they get the rest of the accessories, shoes and pretty shiny things and a make-over, before heading to the nearest registry office of this planet (Janey isn’t sure which one it is, and she doesn’t care enough to ask) and getting married with just the priest as their witness.

It’s small and sweet and it’s perfect, and when it’s time to kiss the bride, Janey takes a leap of faith and presses her lips to River’s, quick, soft, and she tries to express through that one kiss just how much she feels for the other woman. It must have worked, because when she pulls away, there are tears shining in the fizzy-haired woman’s eyes. It’s enough to make her cry, too.

—o—

They return to the park where they first showed up. Somehow, River managed to get them champagne and fancy food, including very rich chocolate and strawberries. It’s lovely and sweet and at the end of it, Janey leans close, hesitantly tangles their fingers together and kisses River again. When she pulls away, she looks right into her eyes.

“I love you, River.” Always have, always will, she doesn’t add. It doesn’t belong here. It belongs to a hero in bow ties, to a grumpy old Scotsman with two hearts that both beat for this woman. Her hearts also beat for her, but in a different way. This isn’t… she loves River, but she doesn’t love her like her past selves loved her.

“I love you, too, Janey,” her wife (nothing added, no doubt about it this time) whispers back and gives her a short kiss. They sit in silence for a while longer. Eventually, the hand-holding gets too much and the blonde has to let go. River lets her. She never pushed physical intimacy. It’s just a part of their relationship. Janey doesn’t like being touched and River doesn’t touch her.

After hours of just sitting next to each other and enjoying each other’s company and the freedom, it’s time to go. And suddenly, Janey is incredibly sad. She fights and loses against the tears. River hands her a white handkerchief to dab away the tears with but doesn’t say anything. Her eyes are wet, too.

“I’m sorry, that I have to leave,” the blonde whispers and holds eye contact. “I… I don’t want to leave you, River, I really don’t. But I have to… I can’t…”

“Shh, Janey, it’s alright, I understand. You have to do this. It’s important to you and I won’t hold you back. Just… once you’re done, come and find me?” Despite herself, the Time Lord nods. She knows she can’t do that, not really, because River is long dead, but it’s a nice thought and if it brings her wife hope for the years to come…

They stand and Janey doesn’t know what else to say or do. She wants to hug River but she doesn’t think she can do that. Instead, she squeezes her wife’s hands in both of hers and smiles through the tears. The fizzy-haired woman smiles back. “I’ll see you again,” the blonde vows, suddenly feeling like this is all that matters. She will see River again.

She will make sure that she does. She has to. No matter what happens, she will see River again. “I’ll be waiting,” the other woman promises and then they both let go of the other’s hands and with a press of a button, River disappears. Janey stares at the place where she’d been just seconds ago. Then she breaks down.

—o—

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about posting this for a while now. It wasn't actually supposed to be anything, just a sidestory to another thing I'm working on, but then I had A Thought and it devolved into 5,000 words of this. I really hope people like it, though...
> 
> (And I might post the story this belongs to eventually, once it's reasonably finished, which it definitely isn't right now. I'm not posting anything yet because I know myself and I know that I can't stick to an update schedule for my life. But yeah.)
> 
> (For reference, in the story this belongs to, the Doctor creates a paradox to break into the Matrix and get to the memories that the Time Lords erased. With help from herself. Because YES. But like I said, it's as yet unfinished.)


End file.
